The History of the Neck in Britain
By Emerson Kluge

The history of the neck in Britain is somewhat of an elusive subject, prone to wild speculation and hearsay. As this will attempt to be a purely narrative piece, such idle imaginings will be kept to a minimum and the facts of the matter will be made as prominent as possible.

It is impossible to relate the history of the neck in Britain without first mentioning the history – its invention, popularization and refinement – behind the pressure to adopt it. How the neck came about, how it changed over time and how it spread throughout the civilized world is just as important to its role in British history as the factors relating to its introduction.

Evidence from temple carvings and relief pictograms give credence to the notion that the first people who made wide-spread use of the neck were the Egyptians. Though it is not certain if the Egyptians actually invented the neck or if it was adopted from a sub-Saharan tribe, it is known that the availability and use of the neck by the common man in ancient Egypt was a major factor in their rise to power. Greater visual range in battle and better observation of fields allowed the Egyptians to both dominate their enemies in war and out-produce any of their rivals in terms of agriculture.

Plato is known to have purchased a neck on his trip to Egypt and he displayed it proudly above his toga a practice which was later adopted by his followers whose necks can be seen in their busts.

The next stage in the spread of the neck was its rapid spread throughout the Mediterranean after being adopted by Roman centurions while on campaign in Greece. With the Roman Empire the neck spread and was popularized as the legions advanced throughout Europe and the Middle East. The Germanic tribes, the Spaniards, North-Africans and Arabs were all quick to adopt the neck having realized its advantages in virtually all areas of life.

This is where the history of the neck in Britain first begins to directly involve Britain. After having concurred any given area, the Romans typically were resident in that geographical region for several hundred years. This gave the local people great exposure to the neck and allowed its peaceful dissemination throughout the indigenous population. However, in the case of Britain, the Romans were only present for a short period of time, during which the neck was common, but after which virtually no evidence of neck use is been found.

After the fall of the Roman Empire, communication within Europe ground to a halt which set the stage for neck differentiation. The French, Spaniards, Germans, Greeks and Italians all developed their own distinct style of neck, man of which became national symbols. The four red horizontal stripes on the flag of Catalonia, in Spain, are representative of the necks of four brave fighters who lost their lives fighting for its independence.

During the renaissance, neck usage was restricted to the middle and upper-class who almost uniformly adopted the French neck, which had undergone the highest level of neck refinement during the dark ages. During this time, many artists and poets used necks to free their heads from the constraints of the body and allow their creative expression to flow. Leonardo Da Vinchi even showed that the human body could only make a perfect circle and square, if its head was perched on a neck.

After the renaissance, when neck usage again returned to the lower classes, France elected to restrict its usage further to only the aristocratic level of society, a move, which, as history shows, was their downfall.

The reason why Britain resisted adopting the neck, even during the renaissance also had to do with France. Anti-French sentiment, and thus, anti-French neck sentiment, created during the hundred years war was bolstered by the squabbling over colonies that took place in the sixteenth to eighteenth century. This sentiment prevented the adoption of the popular French style neck and caused the population of the British Isles to be anti-neck in general. It was not until the French revolution, when riotous mobs began distributing the hoarded necks of the aristocrats to the general population did the question of a British neck arise.

By this time neck development in Britain was quite far behind the rest of the world, but many British entrepreneurs were determined to create a neck both as functional and advanced as those of France. From 1800 to 1850 neck development in Britain progressed at a rapid rate, aided by the steam-powered workshops and factories of post industrial revolution England. Developing a functional and suitable neck was not easy and only in 1850 did Sir Alfred Windy succeed in creating a functional and distinctly British neck.

The popularization of the neck in Britain was aided, in part, by the fashions of the Victorian period. High collars enabled noblemen and the British middle class to obscure their newly purchased necks from public view. During this time, any man seen with a bare neck in public would be subject to the cries of small children: “Get rid of the neck you fucking frog!”, a phrase indicative of lurking anit-french-neck sentiment. As the middle class grew the use of the neck increased until any man - or woman, for the neck is the second great equalizer, alongside death – could display his neck without fear of reproach.

Sadly, some families in Britain still have not adopted the neck, mostly out of tradition and pride. However, in place of it, many British families have begun experimenting with large, functional ears and teeth. Though these are only in the prototype stage early examples can be seen on Prince Charles. Now that it seems that the neck if firmly rooted in Britain, it is impossible to tell what the British will be able to accomplish.